I Became An Adult At 34
If adulthood is defined as completely living on your own, then I achieved that milestone when I was 25. If it is defined by having a job, getting married, having a mortgage or having a child, I crossed those off my list at 21, 28, 30 and 32, respectively.
But looking back, I realize that I became a bonafide adult at 34 on the morning of April 28th, 2016...the day we first found out that our baby girl would be different.
It was our second baby, not our first, that catapulted me into adulthood.
That day was just the beginning of many, many visits to a host of different medical specialists. Countless doctor’s appointments that started with, “I don’t think it’s serious,” and ended with grief counseling. So many tests, procedures and opinions that suggest one thing, only to have other tests contradict them.
Before Mira was born, I believed that the doctors would always have the answers, and if they didn’t, all I had to do was look harder to find one who did. I lived under the delusion that all I needed was good insurance, a supportive family, and a husband who was willing to work as hard as I would.
Adulting on the floor of the Ronald McDonald House, while Mira naps in our room.
I began to realize that my belief that I could always find a solution came from a place of privilege. My parents have always been my support system, my safety net and if there ever came a time where I truly needed something, they have always been a phone call away. Together, we have always been able to figure it out.
Like all children, ours certainly didn’t come with a handbook. I won’t downplay the mind-blowing adjustment when a couple becomes a family, but Ellie made it seamless. Our biggest decisions with her revolved around what stroller to buy, or letting her cry it out or not. Lately, it’s been soccer or t-ball, pizza or chicken nuggets. In hindsight, Ellie really eased us into parenting.
Maybe that was the plan all along.
Mira’s path has, and will continue to be challenging. Sometimes I reflect on all of the information in my head, and still can’t believe Evan and I are the ones that have to make the decisions or have the conversations we do. We are the couple that researches Netflix shows before committing to them.
We deal with a tremendous amount of appointment coordination, translating medical reports, researching therapists and therapies, navigating the insurance waters, and allocating funds for seemingly endless bills. Together, we tackle daily phone calls, emails and paperwork.
It is a full time job...on top of two full time jobs.
I have recently acknowledged all that we have gone through as a family, and a couple, and will most likely continue to go through, as a mixed blessing. I know I am a much stronger, patient, understanding adult than I would have ever been if I wasn’t Mira’s mom.
Evan and I are responsible for this little girl. Her future depends on us. She depends on us. The fear that we will screw it up can be overwhelming, but I have never felt more like an adult.