Just Say Hi

A few weeks ago, Mira and I took a trip to Target. Their leggings fit her the best, so we made the most out of a free afternoon and set out to find some additional colors and prints to add to her wardrobe. Somewhere between the toddler section and the toy aisle (why are these so close together, Target?), I noticed a little boy, maybe 5 years old, staring at Mira.

Over the last 3 years, I’ve learned the difference between light gazing in her direction, and full on blatant an-elephant-could-walk-by-and-you-wouldn’t-notice staring that some children, and believe it or not, adults, do when they catch a glimpse of Mira. This time, it was the latter. When it is a child, it truly doesn’t bother me, so I didn’t pay much attention to this particular boy. But then I heard his not-so-quiet little voice ask, “Mommy, what is wrong with that baby? Why is her head so big?” His mortified mother instantly grabbed him by the arm and jerked him away while mouthing a subtle apology in my direction.

Here’s the thing: ALL kids are curious when they see a person who looks different. I've noticed (even while being noticed) that children blurt out what's on their mind because they are looking for some sort of explanation in order to process the world around them.  Parents usually don't know how to react, so they stifle their kid's questions in order to spare themselves the embarrassment. That mom at Target may have had the best of intentions when she removed her son from the situation, but she sent him the message that Mira was a stranger to be feared, rather than an individual worth getting to know. There is this notion that you shouldn’t point out differences and talk them through with your kids because then you are drawing attention to it. But, avoiding the subject altogether creates a divide between them and others who may not be exactly like them.

I know you are busy. I know you don’t always have the time or the energy to explain everything to your child right in the moment. You probably didn’t think your afternoon trip to Target was going to involve a possible first encounter with a little person or a teachable moment about explaining differences. Your children, like mine, are going to run into many people in their lives who are different from them, and I’ve learned that answering questions when they occur is extremely important. Children look to you to understand how to act in those situations.  They also don’t always understand that staring is rude, it’s just a way they work out their curiosity. Instead of saying “don’t stare!” or removing them from the situation altogether, teach them to say “hi” or wave instead. This is something that I have instilled in Ellie at a very young age, and I can assure you, it makes a world of difference for both parties.

I get asked a lot how we have explained Mira’s dwarfism to Ellie and how we would recommend explaining it to their own children. If you are looking for the right words, I would suggest these:

Mira was born with something called dwarfism which means her bones are smaller and won’t grow as fast or as big as yours, so she will always be smaller than other children. Mira will still be able to everything you can do, she will just find a different way to do it.

We are happy to discuss what makes Mira different. Your child is not the first, and won’t be the last to stare at or question her. We are not shy or embarrassed to talk about her differences, and you shouldn’t be either. Our goal, as parents, is to teach others that there is so much more to Mira than her size.

We ended up getting Mira a few new pairs of leggings that day. Her favorite, a colorful fruit print that she calls her “fruity pants.” If you, or your children see Mira, (with or without these on), I encourage you to say “hi”.

Trust me when I say she is a girl worth getting to know.