Maddie

It was a sweltering Saturday in early July, and I was 1 week away from my scheduled C-section. Despite my discomfort, I knew this might be the last time I see the ocean for a LONG time. So, when a family trip to the beach with extra reinforcements watching Ellie presented itself, I couldn’t resist.

I parked myself under an umbrella in the same spot on the same beach that my family has been going to for over 30 years. I tried to relax, to breath in that salt air I knew I would miss. Just when I started to doze off a bit, I heard my Evan say “I think your mom is calling you."

My mom had been building sandcastles with Ellie at the edge of the water. I peeked out from under my shaded solitude and saw her chatting it up with another woman. Not far from them, a child caught my eye and I realized what led to this exchange.

Her name was Maddie.

Running around the water’s edge with her siblings, boogie board in hand, with beach blonde hair and sun bronzed skin. She was smiling and laughing and playing. She was also little.

I knew instantly why my mom was not-so-subtly waving me down. She had of course found Maddie’s mom, who was watching her children nearby, and struck up a conversation with her. I reluctantly and not so gracefully got up from my beach chair and waddled down to join them.

Her mother, Donna, headed towards me and with a thick Jersey accent, she said, “Take your sunglasses off. I want to see your face.”

I complied.

“I want you to know something”, she continued. “You have been given the greatest gift of your life. You may not feel like that now, but I want you to remember this moment. Your daughter is going to be ok. She will be more than ok, she will be remarkable. She will change your life in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.”

She wrapped her arms around me, and didn’t let go for what felt like 10 minutes.  I knew she had felt all of my pain, my grief, my fear and my hope.

I knew this because Donna was me, 7 years ago.

We wiped away our tears and she took me over to meet Maddie. She explained to her that I had a baby in my belly that would be just like her when she was born. Maddie smiled, and then asked me if she could babysit someday. We spoke for a few minutes before she politely asked her mom if she could go back to boogie boarding with her siblings.

I have always been a believer in signs. Donna had shared with me that they were headed to a different beach that day, but couldn’t find parking so ended up at my beach, a place they had never been before. I had no intention of going to the beach that day, but felt a strong pull to go. I truly believe I was meant to meet Maddie and Donna that day. I needed her reassurance. I needed her motivation. Finally, I needed to see the most beautiful little girl playing in the waves that day, so that I could envision, 7 years from now, my Mira doing the same.

July 2016