New Year, Old Pregnancy Announcement

In December of 2015 our family had made our annual holiday pilgrimage to South Florida. It would be our last vacation as a family of 3, as I was nearing the end of my first trimester. I was feeling great, craving grapefruit juice and enjoying the warm sunshine with our family.

We took a trip to Marco Island, and stayed in a beautiful beach front hotel. The planner/photographer in me thought this would be an opportune time to craft the perfect pregnancy announcement. I had a gorgeous beach, a happy, albeit sand covered 2-year-old and my professional camera on hand. It took just a few minutes to get the shot I had envisioned, and I was excited to be able to share it with friends, family and of course Facebook, once I got the go ahead from my doctor.

Two weeks later, I went in for my 12 week ultra-sound, a major pregnancy milestone. My doctor ran all the appropriate tests and everything came back healthy on on track. We were even told that our house would be bursting with estrogen, as we were going to welcome our second baby girl. Our hearts exploded.

Sisters.

I prepared a witty caption for the picture I had taken and prepared to hit “Post” on my Facebook wall, but then I felt it, the pull. A strong force, an instinct, a feeling, all of which told me, no, not right, don’t do it, something is wrong. It’s a muscle of mine that has gotten stronger since becoming a mother. I just know when something doesn’t feel right and I either act or retract accordingly. I never ended up posting it.

In addition to a social media silence, I was far less open about this pregnancy. No grand announcement, no gender reveal, in fact, I kept the gender a secret to all but family and close friends. Something in me was overly protective of this baby, and 3 months later, I would find out why.

December of 2016 I found myself on the same beach on Marco Island. On Christmas Day, I had a blissful hour to myself, as our family of reinforcements looked after the girls. I swam out in the clear Gulf water and gazed back at the beach. I conjured up the image of myself, camera in hand, chasing a 2-year-old through tidal pools, so blithely unaware of the journey I was about to embark on.

One year later, with full and grateful hearts, we brought both of our girls to this beach.

2016 peeled back several layers of myself, exposing my strengths and weaknesses as a mother, a wife and a woman. For 2017, my resolutions are clear. I want to be present in every moment, accept every lesson and take every opportunity to grow into the depths of my own character.

2017 will be a year of remarkable joy for our family, especially our girls.

I can feel it.

December 2015. The announcement we never announced.