Four

Mira Joy,

I can’t believe it’s been four years since you blew into our lives and turned everything I thought I knew on its head. Before you arrived, I thought that life was so full of certainties and absolutes.

Now I know better.

As I lay here with you in your big girl bed, on the eve of your 4th birthday, I can’t help but think about how far we’ve come. While the time is flying by and there are days where I can’t wait for you to have more independence and be more self-sufficient, I wish I could just freeze time and really soak in all that you are in this moment. 

You’ve done a lot of growing up this year. You’re leaving the shell of your toddler years behind and you’re headed straight into kid territory. It’s terrifying and exciting all at once. I breathe it out with a sigh while I see you sleeping soundly in your bed. The remnants of the baby I once held in my arms are still there in the twitch of your lips, in the way your starfish hands fold around your face when you sleep.

We’ve learned a lot together this year. You are now a very real person with very real thoughts and opinions on just about everything. I know this because you spend all day long sharing them with me. Although I miss the little things – like peace and quiet – I love getting to experience the world through your eyes.

Your emotions grew right alongside of you this year. While they are big and overwhelming at times, they are letting us get a sneak peek into the person you are becoming: a true blend of the wildest parts of me and your dad.

Being your mom is hard work, I will never shy away from that fact, but loving you is easy. The thing with you Mira is that it’s all or nothing, there is no in-between. You can be the sweetest, most loving little girl, but with a flick of a switch you are a force of nature, a storm with hurricane force emotions that can flatten buildings in an instant. I never imagined one tiny person could do so much damage, make so much noise and take me from one emotion to the next so quickly. It makes for an interesting life that we never quite know which Mira we will wake up to each morning!

The truth is there is something about you that one can’t help but fall in love with. It’s your soulful eyes, the sound of your laughter, the crazy faces and silly voices, the smirk on your lips when you’re trying your hardest not to smile. It’s the fact that whether you’re screaming or laughing, sulking or smiling, you are utterly adorable and that’s what gets us through the tough days.

I am sad to see the end of three, the year when you started pre-school and finally found your voice; the year you discovered a love of singing, dancing and make-believe, when you watched Trolls on repeat and developed an obsession with chocolate milk, fearing our Roomba and our dog and hurling yourself onto your sister.  

While your vocabulary has exploded and your sentences getting longer by the day, we still get daily reminders that you are still learning when you come out with words like “Chench Chies” (French Fries), “Abocado” (Avocado) and “Noo-Noos” (Noodles). You call Dunkin Donuts munchkins “sponges”, start sentences with “Actually” and have already mastered the fine art of sarcasm (which I’d like to think you learned from me).

I know that the fact that you are 4 means soon you will be going to school and meeting new kids, who hopefully turn into first friends. I have to be honest, the thought of this, terrifies me. I am afraid of how harsh this world has become and my biggest fear is that it will change the fire in your spirit and the confidence of your soul. I hope that no matter who you encounter in the world, you will remain a strong beam of light to yourself and those around you.

Here we are MJ, four years old, and I can’t imagine our lives without you in it. Although your beginnings weren’t easy, you came along at just the right time, just when fate threw us a lifeline.

And it was you.

I am so lucky to be your Mommy, so proud of all you have become, and so very grateful for everything you have taught us. Life with you is never dull (or quiet), and I wouldn’t change it for all the world.

Stay wild, stay loud, stay so very you.

Happy 4th Birthday Mira Joy.

I love you.

Love, Mommy