Sister Love

When Mira was born, thinking about what kind of relationship she’d have with Ellie and how Dwarfism would affect their lives as sisters completely overwhelmed me.

 How would the girls relate to each other?

Would Ellie resent the special attention Mira receives?

Would Mira resent Ellie for being tall?

Would Ellie embrace the role of big sister and advocate?

Would they be able to share clothes?!

I can say without hesitation that everything that I have worried about has been just that…worry. Are there challenges? Of course. But Evan and I take them as they come, and so far, that has worked in our favor.

Ellie has become the most loving big sister imaginable. From the time Mira was born, these special sisters have had an unbreakable bond. Ellie would rush home from preschool straight to wherever Mira was and tell her all about her day, just chatting away . “My Mee-wa” she called her, that 3 year old under-developed “r” sound prominently on display.

The adoration went both ways. Mira saved her best smiles and biggest belly laughs for Ellie.  She was her favorite “toy". Mira was in complete awe of her big sister.

As Mira grew out of infancy, I worried about how Evan and I would manage the development of our girls knowing that they would experience life in vastly different ways. We had no idea at the time just how much they would adapt and learn from one another or that they would teach us the greatest lesson – that acceptance and inclusion starts at a very young age through exposure in our own home.

The thing I love about watching our girls together is that I know Ellie isn’t doing anything intentionally. She didn’t have to be taught how to accommodate her sister’s differences. It’s completely intuitive. She interacts with her in a way that makes sense for both of them. She isn’t doing anything exceptional or going out of her way.

I hear so many other parents of kids with special needs say the same thing…. if you’re unsure how to interact with a child who has any kind of differences, watch their siblings. They will show you the way.

On a summer afternoon, two years ago, we were at a friend’s house for a party (remember parties?). I walked away for a minute while Ellie and Mira played together in the yard. When I returned, Ellie was sitting in the grass, legs crossed with Mira on her lap, surrounded by a group of little kids. They were peppering her with questions about Mira so I rushed over to intercede, but Ellie didn’t want my help. She very confidently shooed me away and continued her story about how Mira’s bones grow slower and smaller, while the other kids listened intently.

Dwarfism isn’t just “Mira’s thing.” It’s a part of our world, it’s a part of our family. I love talking with Ellie about being an advocate. I share blog posts with her, seek her approval, and ask her if she has any ideas.  Ellie is well aware that Mira needs extra help or attention sometimes and loves to be a part of her team. Throughout this difficult past year, Ellie participated in Mira’s Zoom physical therapy sessions, helped her with her letter writing, and gave her a boost or a hand when she needed it. When Evan and I involve Ellie in helping Mira, it’s not just about Mira. Ellie takes more pride in the accomplishments of her sister knowing that she helped her get there.

I know how lucky our girls are to have the opportunity of a life course that isn’t available to everyone–one that will teach them things about compassion and capabilities. A lesson that cannot be taught through a screen or on the pages of a book.

Because they have each other, Ellie and Mira know how it feels to be fully seen and totally loved– exactly as they are.

Evan and I hope they will share that feeling for the rest of their lives…sister love.